meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
