Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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