I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm always down for nudity.
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