i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
