and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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