If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Operation Purity has been aborted
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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