She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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