You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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