the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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