You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
