Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
