I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
