I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my shit smells like andre
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
