Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
