What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
