New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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