I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
