I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
