Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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