it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm like, not good at living.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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