I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
