You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
