Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
