She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
