I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
