i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
