I just made out with a guy for $7.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
