I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
