I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
