i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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