She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
