Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
