Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
