where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
