forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?