dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.