Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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