she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.