Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to