just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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