Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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