He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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