Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
