did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
