Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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