so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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