Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
