i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
