first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
