Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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