I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
