Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
