I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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