You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
