wanna go halves on a baby?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
