do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
