This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize