1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
