I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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