A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
