You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
