I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
