I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
