Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The uberlube is also flammable
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
