They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
