It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You did what with his pubic hair?
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