He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
