You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
