my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
