So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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