Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
