Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
