so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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