I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
