I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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