i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
