got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want to make out with him forever
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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