They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
