thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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