dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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