yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
