Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
