i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
